Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
