I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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