No, you can still breathe under the balls.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the liver wants what the liver wants
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
