After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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