im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
