Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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