I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
