his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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