do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
