I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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