i just wanna soil my oats bro
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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