Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
