I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
