Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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