How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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