the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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