____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
