I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
