I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm always down for nudity.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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