I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
