I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
