3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
