I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
