Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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