literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
