Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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