what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
