Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
