Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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