Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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