i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
