Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
