you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
