made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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