there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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