Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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