I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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