i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
