Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
