oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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