i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
