hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
