That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
