ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
