Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
