this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
