I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
