Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need to sanitize my soul.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
