If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
