So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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